A Few Of My Favorite things

I am a monster beneath my flesh.
Supple and wet, willing to undress...
For your eyes.... Maybe.. Yes.

I am a kisser in the dark.
Tongue darting in and out of cold mouths.
Coffee spilt speed bump getaway...
You know which wires to unplug.

I am liquid in your hand.
Shining aura, laced fingers fixated.
Fascinated at the mirror I stare in.
Your smile delays mine by two seconds,
but ends up beating me to the punchline.

Of the same joke...
Were choking on each others laughter, it's contagious.
And the thunder that's roaring through my lungs is my pulse.
Drum banging against my chest...
And as I rest my head on yours.... It's to the same beat.

Arm your flowers.

Time beckons through windows, like wind.
Athena's crawling chalkboard and trying to fold letters.
The ones that sit on your desk, unread.
Dust collecting pieces of conversation.
Sticking to the parcel like glue, entwined in the fibers.
The ones in your shirt.
Entranced by the swipe of a pen.
Genocide in a signature.
10,000 troops armed and deployed.
Eros beard is clipped and trimmed.
Cigarettes dancing through straight lips.
They say there is no rain where we are going.
The sun so bright it's radiating like the bombs we drop.
Sparkling, like the shine on your shoes.
Buffed in someones child's blood.

Us

He smirks, I smile.
He giggles, I laugh.
He frowns, I cry.
He sleeps, I'm in a coma.
He eats, I binge.
He's hungry, I'm anorexic.
He's happy, I'm exstatic.
He's sad, I'm suicidal.
He's mine. I'm his.
He's me. I'm him.
We are love.

Gameshow

They say in life you have an array of doors to open.
All colorfully decorated with glitter, glitz, glam and the chance of hope.
Perfectly aligned and numbered... 1, 2, 3....
And the score is displayed through bleach white teeth,
The kind of smile that makes barbie green with envy.

And I'm trying to desperately to grasp vowels.
And I'm sinking into the floor, like mud.
Feet stuck in the dripping pile of debt and guilt.
And I'm holding this buzzer like a gun.



Time to spin the barrell and whisper a wish.







...............The grand prize goes to...

Rebirth

I find myself holding scissors.
Stainless steel glimmer in the reflection of a vanity mirror.
Carefully snipping away my disgust.
Strand by strand, layer by layer.
Falling to the ground, it's memory scattered around.
And the past child, the present daughter, and the distant mother...
Mingling on the floor in an array of crimson, chocolate, and carmel.

Say Yes

You watch the world through scratched glasses,
as the apes fight in their funny jumpsuits.
Something like... he said she said we said we were... and then it was lost.
And my brain is sideways, and my heart is a pool of gushing love in your hand.
There is nothing to fear, but the baton swing hears that one day riot pays off.
In the end, we are all just anemics trying to void sharp objects.
Cutting corners whilst trying not to cut our wrists.
And the twists and the turns of the rhythms we speak burn.
Down our throats, the alcohol coats our memories in gift wrap.
presents for the present as I smile at you, you're smiling back.
And like a slap to the face, the people without names come to attack.
We're stuck in that familiar place, backseats and woodlands like memories of higher ground.
Before rain struck and washed away all that was once around.
And if you know my name, then why do you say it wrong?
And if you know my name, why aren't the feelings gone?

She whispers willow trees breezes on autumn days just like this.
Cool air meeting warm breath, tornado.
Silk binding her hands to a rocking chair.
The one on your porch...
The one your grandfather built.

And just to say yes isn't enough.
It's to say "We say yes" that means the most.

And I'm saying yes while nodding no.

red is the new pink

The world is a cross between bubblegum and blood.
and I am caught somewhere in the middle.
Lost in cyber space.
Wondering what its like to feel Aspen air.

Sky Goddess

There is distance between me and my moons.
All spiralling endlessly around my body, yet unreachable.
And every time I pray for change, the only thing that comes is high tide, hurricanes, and mood swings.
All my planets aligning and dispersing their way across my galaxy..
There is distance between me and the ones I love.
Whether miles apart, and sitting in the seat next to me.
If you are not holding my hand, I don't care if you orbit around me.
I'm still alone if I can't feel anything.


Do we feel gravity? I don't.
I don't feel anything but the weight of your hand.
Grasping me.
Pulling me out of the darkness.


But... You're not. You're crossing your arms and watching me fall.
And asking me why I let myself wander at night.
And telling me how you've warned me.

Regardless. I still need a hand.
I am not myself without my moons :(

Unborn

You play with me, body.
The way a cat plays with a mouse before puncturing it's spinal cord.
You taunt me, body.
The way the homeless are taunted by mattress stores.
I am not afraid of you, but god damnit I wish I could control you.
And the blood I've bared and the hands I have let go of do not matter anymore.
You're preparing me for the worst, all while killing the best of my soul.
My happiness, my greed, my pride, my heart..
And I'll hold my belly and pray.
That some day.
I'll be ready.

Til then.
Blood.


I am not a mother.

Insomnia

My hands scurry across the keyboard...
Jaws unclench between lack of oxygen and sleep deprivation.
Animal eyes twitch.. twitch.. shake between lines of blurry words.
Screaming mouth inhales the bed behind me, whole.
Bickering in the ear over loss of flowing air.
Darkness engulfing shapeless face, unknown.
I am exhausted and yet sleep is the furthest thing from my mind.
I'd rather spend my time here, connected to this web of entangled lives.
Spun around and mixed together into a slurry of color and oddly pronounced english.
Somehow pinky grasping my social life, completely.
And with one swipe of an enter key, available.
For the world to feed on.

Your kids are on drugs.

I've seen the world through the eyes of prostitutes, makeshift mob lackeys and the clerk at the drive through.
I have seen the world through the eyes of a child, a horse, an immigrant being deported.
I have laid my head on roads, sidewalks, traintracks.... In your bed.
And yet, I find myself completely niave to my surroundings.
I feel no danger when I touch your hand.
Even though the poison has already hit my bloodstream.
I am feeling faint. I am feeling weak. Suddenly your thoughts consume mine, and become my own.
I am not human anymore.
I am a pawn.
Just keep holding my hand. Wash away our memories with chapel water and pray for the days before I could say no.
Before I knew the majesty and tragedy of what it meant to know your name.

Entwined

Her skin wilted beneath my kisses, carefully placed...Like train tracks down her spine.
I said "In this moment, you are mine.. and I will never know when my fingerprints will decorate your flesh again..."
And she agreed, with a moan.. in the sort of tone you hear only when people are dying, or in love.
I know she never loved me.
Eyes bringing in the tide and swaying her motionless hip across my bare lap.
My eyebrow rising and falling, much like our slow breaths, greeting each other with a kiss... a hello and a goodbye in one single embrace.
She started to say "I don't like it when you..." and I found myself entangled with her legs. Bodies twisting in a bed, knotting and nodding in and out of bliss.
I said "Will this end? Are we even friends?"
and she smiled, and bit into my neck.
And I moaned...in the sort of tone you hear only when people are dying, or in love.
And I know I never loved her.

The Man on the Moon.

I've always seen the face of a man when I looked at the moon,
In the days before I had a telescope that televised the reality.
No faces. No person in the sky on the recieving end of my problems.
The nights when I would lay awake, describing my day to this comforting entity.
Cry on his fictional shoulder and be patted on the back by shooting stars.
Speaking entire journal entries and reading unwritten poetry to this kindred friend who came to visit me everynight.
Overcast skies were like the long train rides you dread. Looking out the window with hope that the next exit is yours... and the clouds would part and there he would be. Ready to listen and laugh at my jokes.
My astrologicial friend, your shoes have yet to be filled.
Though I fill entire journals with new words and ideas. I miss reciting my unrehearsed form live and naturally to your always hanging ears. Replacing the wind with words and music straight from my soul.
Making each night more creative and beautiful. Peaceful.
Man on the moon, did you move to the other side?
Did my words make you want to hide?
Or did I just grow up and realize that I just speak words.
That the meaning behind them is empty without someone on the recieving end, feeling.
I miss you.

To my dear sweet healer.

Let me exhale eagerly and pull you in closer to feel safe again.
I don't know what it is like to feel this way, and I have a new found addiction.
It's raw and it's rough... But my eyes dance with your's and my smirk turns into a smile.
Suddenly I am lost. A whole human walking around without the gigantic holes in my chest.
How strange.
I didn't know people could affect you in such a way.
I didn't know I wasn't alone.
And suddenly I find myself staring at you through honest eyes.
No troubles bitten back, no words to keep from escaping my lips.
Simply smiling.
Feeling real. And safe.
You are my bandaid. Thank you for helping me heal.

Dusk

She was the unique flower
Blossoming only at night when the eyes of the sun couldn't find her carnal sin.
Entangled in sweaty bedding and the scent of fresh linen masked in sex.
I only knew what she looked like with her head tilted back, in the throws of an orgasm.
Her voice, like an animal noise clawing it's way out of her beautiful fluttering lips...
As my tongue caressed her skin, fingers wandering inside and finding her aura.
Fluidic and gorgeous as it poured onto my hand, and I wrapped my tongue around my fingers.
Savouring the taste of her soul.

She was a bruised flower... Withering away in the sea of her torn emotions.
Only to be rescued and adored by my tainted eyes
That scans her body everyday, in silence...
Knowing the sun is going down.
Knowing I will make her pretty once again.

Starvation

I'm hiding under the mask of anorexia.
Covered by the shroud of a mental disease
Sickening my stomach, smiling when it growls.
Breaking every mirror I see, and see every mirror I hate.

Doll.

I've found myself washed up on the shores of my dreams.
My seams undone, in a sea of loose threads and untied ribbons.
Sharp nails pressing inward, begging to stay alive as my stuffing escapes.
Watching as my body falls apart in my hands.
Crying no tears, nothing left.
Hoping for someone to rescue me.
Patch me back up, like new again.
But I'm holding scissors..
and snipping each perfectly aligned stitch,
and with each one sliced, more of me is poured onto the ground.
I am not the girl of your dreams.
I am not the birth of a new idea.

I am the death of a child.
I am the death of sanity.
I am the death of a soul.
I am the death of hope.
I am the death of your dreams.
I am the death of your smile.
I am the death of your beauty.

And I am dead. Laying as empty skin in your bed.
Cotton scattered around.

Slaughter

You speak in the harshest pentecostal tongue I know.
Words grabbing hold of my chest, clawing it into shreds.
Leave no hair unburnt, leave no freckle of mine behind.
You still find me, in that pit, along with your past
Your now so present, and your soon, but somehow distant, future.
Batting eye lashes like something pretty.
Knitting your safety net as you are already falling to the ground.
Keep your hands in my blood, I want them all to know.
Showing signs of what once was a perfect match,
Now blown out by the cool wisp of your sinister breath.
I don't follow any causes but my own,
I don't walk where I know I shouldn't.
I don't pretend to be okay when I am not.
The smile pastuered to my face is ever permnant, not a lie.
Simply a glimpse into my mind.
Where I am daydreaming
Of killing you.