Do you watch?

In most recent years I have discovered new things about myself I would never have guessed would be in me. I suppose this is self sadomasochism, considering I enjoy other people inflicting pain upon me, without their enjoyment of doing it. Simply, it's their job. Tattoo artists, nurses, surgeons, doctors.. Cutting, scraping, needles piercing skin.. For blood, biopsies... And I have to watch. I have to see the needle enter my flesh and extract the fluid which gives me life. This morbid necessity is more than a simple fascination, it's a desire.. If you blindfolded me while taking my blood I would go mad, and most likely turn to some sort of animistic characteristics like screaming and attacking my would be attacker. Perhaps this is just being over thought, or merely all this time I have over looked this strange obsession I have... I really do not know. So my question today is... Do you watch, too? Do you have to see it as well?

Oddest way to "christen" a new blog, I suppose, but my mood is set to this tone, and I figured why not share :)


On a less mutilated note, Let's talk about love.

Love is by far one of the greatest emotions ever invented by the human mind. Most find that they cannot control it... some even claim it doesn't exist.

What drives human beings to connect to other's is beyond me, But I feel love everyday and I commit myself to it. Sometimes I do not understand my own logic in these situations, by my feelings get the better of me and I find myself smitten with people and ideas quickly, forming amazing relationships left and right.
Love can mean many things... It can be between friends, "lovers", family... Love can be between you and an item you are happy with (I.E. "Oh my god, Sarah, I LOVE my new purse!"), love can be misused, mislabelled, mishandled, and misunderstood. But most of all, love can somehow, through all of it's mysterious forms, conquer so many things, some would even say it *all*. Everyday I witness countless people fall in love for all the wrong reasons, and I tip my hat to them and blow the kiss of luck in there direction, hoping somehow that things will work for them. Other times I find myself jealous of the amount of love people have for one and other and wonder what it is like to feel such an emotion that strongly being emitted from another person. Then, other times I wonder how people could not feel at least the little bit of the ocean of love around them. Question their ability to be so blind, and numb to these emotions. Other times I want to smack people across the head to knock the fear of love out of there head.

Why play the game if you know who wins? Why take the leap if your so close to the ground, you won't even notice the impact?

I guess I'll never be content with the unanswered questions I am forced to hold onto for the rest of my life.

Maybe I've found love, because what I feel consumes me like love.. And as I drown in it, the more I believe.


-V